Today I woke up and the depression was basically gone. It was pretty incredible. I don’t know what happened to it. My reality was different. Things weren’t so dark and and pessimistic, my heart didn’t ache, and I wasn’t exhausted all day.
What a strange dis-ease depression is.
I really don’t want to keep a blog anymore. But something is telling me to keep going. I don’t know what it is that is- my intuition I suppose. And my intuition, is more often that not, correct, so I will honor it this time.
90% of my problems in my life stem from my thinking. Meaning my negative, poor thinking habits. Mind-state really does make the man. That’s why things like meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy are so central to mental health. Most of us don’t realize the problem, and the solution to our problems are right under our nose. Or right above our noses I should say.
That constant internal dialogue. It doesn’t have to control our lives. If we don’t let it. I wonder why it’s there? To keep us safe? To keep us healthy and happy? That would be the only thing that makes logical sense.
I’m going to get a part time job this week. The time has come. I’ve almost grossed $1000 on Amazon for this month, so that’s pretty amazing. I was surprised when I saw that. Then again, it is the world’s biggest marketplace. List it and they will come.
Go to a pawn shop. They have some of the highest quality inventory for reasonable prices, and you can negotiate! Why do pawn shops have such a terrible reputation. I guess because for buying they offer you pennies to the dollar.
I was in Stop and Shop the other day, and it really depressed me. Stop and Shop is a grocery store. It’s astonishing the amount of food that the world produces, yet somehow people starve to death each day? Why is that?
So I was walking through the isles, deciding on which food to eat that week within my $60 budget, and I kept getting more and more agitated. Perhaps because I realized how alone I was in the new city and in the isles of this sterile, cold grocery store with fluorescent lighting. I think I should go grocery shopping somewhere else next time.
For now the fog has lifted. But it’ll be back. And I’ll be waiting. Tomorrow I’m going to buy some fish oil, get a SAD lamp, and make an appointment with an OCD specialist. But hey, no matter how bad things get, as long as I’m not in formal school I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my past.